_____________________________

Leilani is doing great in school, been there a week. She's the only kid in the head start that doesn't cry. She was holding hands with the boy on her 2nd day, at one point she had her arm around his shoulder. I was waiting for her to club him over the head and drag him around.
It was pretty funny, last night we were sitting at the table and we started singing the Ramones 'I wanna be sedated'. haha that's the funniest shit in the world to hear a 3 year old sing the lyrics to that song at the top of her lungs. My dad looked at me like what are you doing to this kid haha. Hey, it's either the Ramones or Barney which would you pick?.................exactly! twenty,twenty,twenty four hours to go....
Tomorrow is payday, thank god. I desperately wanna get my hair dyed. Right now it's pink and black, I want it all hot pink and maybe later on...add some other color to it. I swear my hair is gonna fall out someday.
So, Leilani wants to be Jojo for Halloween. I went to the Disney store yesterday, they have the complete costume for $35. I was gonna buy it yesterday but I'm too lazy to carry that shit on the train. Laziness.....ahhhhhhhhh!
So Jordis is gone from RockStar INXS. I think she'd make a better solo artist anyway, than singing songs from the fucking INXS song catalog. Who the fuck listens to INXS anymore anyway. Shit I liked them in like fuckin 1988.-fuck you I'm old.
Everything else is pretty much the same.
Draco is having his concerts in PR soon. I'd love to be there but oh well. I think I might have to wait another twenty some years before he comes to play in NY again. Bastard.

# posted by fAiRY_PuNK_GRRRL | 5:09 PM |

Friday, January 28, 2005

@ work....bored....fucking freezing out....drinking a Pepsi..tired as fuck....can't wait 'til quitting time.....it's only 8:20 in the morning -sigh-

# posted by fAiRY_PuNK_GRRRL | 8:24 AM |

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Dear God
Hope you got the letter and...
I pray you can make it better down here
I don't mean a big reduction in the price of beer
But all the people that you made in your image
See them starving on their feet
Cause they don't get enough to eat
From God
I can't believe in you
Dear God
Sorry to disturb you but...
I feel that I should be heard loud and clear
We all need a big reduction
In the amount of tears
And all the people that you made in your image
See them fighting in the street
Cause they can't make opinions meet about God
I can't believe in you
Did you make disease
and the diamond blue?
Did you make mankind
after we made you?
And the devil too?
Dear God,
Don't know if you noticed but...
Your name is on a lot of quotes in this book
And as crazy humans wrote it
you should take a look
And all the people that you made in your image
Still believeing that junk is true
Well I know it ain't and so do you, dear God
I can't believe in
I don't believe in
I won't believe in heaven and hell
no saints no sinners no devil as well
no pearly gate no thorny crown
you're always letting us humans down
the wars you bring
the babes you drown
those lost at sea and never found
and it's all the same the whole world round
the hurt I see helps to compound
That Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
is just somebody's unholy hoax
And if you're up there you'd perceive
That my heart's here upon my sleeve
If there's one thing I don't believe in...
It's you, dear God.

# posted by fAiRY_PuNK_GRRRL | 6:17 PM |

It's been ages since I;ve written. Been so busy with work and the baby.that I hardly have time for anything. Javier is at work right now and I'm trying to do some work since the baby is asleep...trying is the key word. Today my mind and my hand don't seem to be communicating much. I have to do some bars for work that will appear on the webpage and it's like I'm stuck on stupid. I''m blocked. Plus I have a killer headache...which really isn't anything new. That's commonplace for me. I fee like Im in a dry spell right now...There's nothing really that I;m finding interesting. Like I need some creative to do...If I don;t have that I feel blah. Now I realize that's what it is...For so many years I was in such a rut and feeling so lifeless..But it's because I didn;t have anything artistic or creative to do. I imposed upon myself a "artistic exile". I forced myself to stay away from anything remotely artistic. 10 years. 10 years is a long time to force yourself to do something....i can;t really say it was for a full 10 years...After about the first 2 years..It became second nature in a way. I went from seeing the world through the eyes of a artist to see them through the eyes of a spectator. Artists see the world so different. I remember looking at the world around me and seeing it as I would've drawn it., noticing the lines in a figure and how those same lines would look on a canvas. For a long time I saw them as what they were..Just figures, just trees, just leaves not as intricate lines I could draw together and make come alive. Im sure this makes no sense to anyone but myself lol...but that's ok. Even with my job that requires me t be artistic and creative....I'm still scared to let go. Scared to see things as I used to-scared to fully see the world through the eyes of a artist. -sigh-
So u2 did a mini concert in Brooklyn and of course I missed it. I got the invite for it but the invite didn't see who this "world's greatest rock band" would be. Plus it was at 2:30 andI would've still been at work at that time-had I known it was gonna be U2 I would've left early. So next time I guess....gotta wait for the next invite I get. I got a invite to the Kimora Simmons show also....Is it just me or does anyone else think that show sucks ass??? I've had the misfortune of seeing it 3 or 4 times and it's so stupid and boring. So you better believe that invite got thrown in the trash.

# posted by fAiRY_PuNK_GRRRL | 5:28 PM |

Sunday, October 31, 2004

http://www.geocities.com/punk_fairy_grrrl/babypunk.html

# posted by fAiRY_PuNK_GRRRL | 2:44 AM |

Thursday, September 30, 2004

OK, I'm home again-couldn't go to work again today because i feel like shit. The baby is still sick, I had to take her to the doctor again yesterday. They gave her a albuterol treatment and I have to take her back manana. I caught her cold and I feel awful. She's watching Lazy Town now and drawing ....she's very funny....very dramatic lol

Javier and I are talking again. We both have alot of pressures financially....the rent is like superrrrrrrrrrr fucking late.....the cable bill is like 40000 dollars...and well the electricity we won't even get into that lol. I have to laugh about it..b/c if not I'll get depressed. I'm kinda starting to hate living in NYC, been here all my life but I don;t know everything here is like so hard....New York is truly only for the rich. I hateeeeee where I live. The Bronx sucks ass. I want to be back in my real neighborhood-not here. I don't fit in around here. It's too fucking ghettto around here...the people are like retards. It's hip hop 24-7...I hate it. I want to get out of here before the baby gets older and starts picking up some of the nasty habits of the kids around here. I miss the Village so much- I had so many good times growing up there. Sometimes I think back to when I was in high school , college and after that..and well it feels like a lifetime ago. Life was just more carefree back then.....then again I didn't have any real responsibilities back then. My biggest concern back then was...finding a good club to go to that night. But like I said that feels like it was a lifetime ago. I remember when I used to sleep til like 1 or 2 in the afternoon....get up...take a shower...go online...chat for hours then take another shower...get dressed..and go to a club-where I would then smoke weed, or do some tabs or X...Stay in the club til like 7am...go home and sleep and start the routine the next day all over again. My parents must've really hated me back then lol I'm sure they were probably like"we have such a loser for a daughter"....but I did it to rebel against them and all the years of being held down by them. i don't regret the things I did.....no, that's not true...there are things I regret...things that it's taken me years and years to accept and move on. For so long, those things held me down and controlled so much of my life. I hope my daughter never goes through what I went through. But I'll be honest with her and I'll tell her the truth about alot of things. Even tho I know people need to learn from their own mistakes. i did alot of shit to myself. At the time I didn;t think of it as if I were trying to hurt myself...I saw it as fun.
Thats' why I went to work at the group home...I wanted to help other girls. I wanted to warn them in a sense of what they were doing was wrong. I hope I was able to help some of them in whatever they were going through.

Dammit, my nose is all stuffy...UGHHHHHHHHHH...hate it. I'm out of it now...I'll go read my Star magazine for awhile.

# posted by fAiRY_PuNK_GRRRL | 9:53 AM |

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

ok, it's raining AGAINNNN...which sucks on top of that I am sick. My daughter has a cold hence I have a cold. But of course when I have a cold or anything similar to that my asthma has to start acting up. UGH! I can't breathe through my nose and my throat feels like I swallowed pieces of glass. My husband and I are not on speaking terms right now. He slept on the couch last night- how cliche huh lol. I don't know what happens to us at times. Sometimes we get along soooo well, others times..well other times he sleeps on the couch. Two people who are stubborn and have bad tempers isn't a good thing. I hate arguing with him but sometimes I feel as if he doesn't help me out. Sometimes he's alottt of help other times he just sits here and plays his everquest.[which i detest].I know he thinks about leaving, I'm positive of that.

# posted by fAiRY_PuNK_GRRRL | 6:36 AM |

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

It is a nasty rainy night out and I;m here with my daughter watching teletubbies. My husband is asleep-it was a long day for him at work. I stayed and worked from home today. Thank God I have that luxury. It's truly a bitch to wake up at 530 am to get myself and my toddler ready and out the door by 7am, to then hop on the train. Not a easy task-I'm just dreading when wintertime comes--then it's gonna be realllll fun.

Work is going good...our company website finally went live- so it;s pretty cool to see the images I have done up on the site.

Today I took sometime and dyed my hair. I just bascially touched up the black...my hair is currently pink and black....but as I said currently...next week who knows. I really want to get my nose pierced, it'll cost me 30.00 at Rising Dragon tattoo shop. Eventually I'd like to get another tatt-but money is kinda tight right now. So I'll have to hold off on that alil longer. I have a fairy on my lower back..I'd like to put a little pixie next to it..representing my daughter. i wanna get something to symbolize her...I dont wanna just put her name - I think thats so ghetto. My tatt is pretty big -I;d say about 7 inches long-but I love the fact that it's someplace where really noone sees it.

i made a new site today..just alil something for Draco.
punkfairygrrrl.tripod.com

I'm getting sleepy...that lil pagan sun on teletubbies does it all the time .

xoxo- laterz

# posted by fAiRY_PuNK_GRRRL | 10:13 PM |

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